Understanding Love



1 John 4:8

He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.

Why it is important to study LOVE

~ so we can better know the Lord we seek to bring glory to. If I don’t understand love then I don’t understand God.

~ it is our motivation to want to bring glory to God, and to be an excellent wife. Love for God will be our motivation to love our husbands.

1 Corinthians 16:14

Let all your things be done with charity (love).

Everything you do…brushing your teeth, cooking a meal, driving home from work, texting, shopping at the grocery store, cleaning the bathroom, etc… should be done with love. You are not just sweeping the sawdust off of the floor, you are doing something for love. This will keep you from feeling that YOU are the ONLY one who does everything at your house.

Colossians 3:14

And above all these things put on charity (love), which is the bond of perfectness (maturity).

We must PUT ON love, it doesn’t come on naturally. What will make you a mature Christian is putting on love in all that you do. The problem come when we just start DOING a lot of things that the preachers tell us to do in our marriage, but we do it without understanding love and so we have a train wreck.

ALL Christian maturity issues are rooted in LOVE!

It is not an overworked issue, it is a LOVE issue

It is not an underappreciated issue, it is a LOVE issue

It is not a bitterness issue, it is a LOVE issue

It is not a personality issue, it is a LOVE issue

It is not a romance issue, it is a LOVE issue . Nothing happens like it does in the romance novels and chick flicks that women watch…..we see it with our eyes and want it in reality, but it is all fake! Basing our “ministry” on romance will be a crash!


AGAPE (NOUN) AND AGAPAO (VERB) Deep abiding love.

Sacrificial – love gives, even if nothing is given back. We live in a cause and effect world…you do this/you get that. Much of the Bible is like that but NOT love. Love is “You do this.” Agape love gives without thinking about what they are going to get in return. You will be an excellent wife in the sight of God Almighty even if your husband isn’t an excellent husband. Our problem is we are more concerned with the temporal things than the heavenly….we need to care more what God thinks.

John 3:16

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

God did His part…He gave. He is our example in love….we should do our part.

Love is Selfless

1 Corinthians 13:5- the love chapter

Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; We like the temperature in the house OUR way, we like our tea a certain way, we like to have dinner at a certain time….if we are honest it’s more like “I WANT…”

We are naturally selfish. (1Co 10:24 Let no man seek his own, but every man another's wealth.) We need to WANT the best for our husband.

We want our needs met. ( They are already supplied! Php 4:19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.) The Bible doesn’t say our husband will supply our needs…it says Christ will supply our need. Our foundation needs to be in the One who has already supplied our need. He promises to meet one need at a time, WHEN we need it. Tension in our homes comes when we meet our husband at the door with a list of our needs.

We want to feel good about ourselves. (Psalm 139- Your worth is in Christ.) If we only rely on our husbands for telling us how pretty we are, and how clean the house is, and how good the meal is we are going to be hurt and angry a lot! Our worth must be in God’s worth for us.

We want what is due us. (Really?) Do we really want what we deserve from God? No!

To have the happiness, joy, and the fulfillment you desire, you must put yourself aside and place God first. In regards to earthly relationships, you must put yourself aside and put your husband first. That is being unselfish or selfless.

Philippians 2:3-4

Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; [[selfish]] but in lowliness of mind [[unselfish]] let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. His goals, not my goals. His decisions, not my decisions. Not my pride, but his needs.

Romans 12:10

Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;

Love is a choice

Nothing thus far has been said about feelings! At times you will be acting directly against your feelings! Feelings are selfish and prideful. There will be times that you are acting completely against your feelings. You will have to go against your feelings and go with the truth that you TRUST God and your husband. You will have to prefer what your husband thinks instead of what your prideful mind thinks is right.

Learn to think objectively (biblically) instead of subjectively (feelings) will enable you to give agape love.

Romans 12:2

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

The world loves itself. When you love like God loves, you will be showing the world God.

Ephesians 4:23 And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;

2 Corinthians 10:5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

This lesson is giving you knowledge of God’s love, and you will have to cast down how YOU think it’s supposed to work. IT TAKE WORK AND PRACTICE TO CONTROL A WRONG THOUGHT LIFE!

Love is an attitude

Since God is the word, and God is love-every verse is a love verse!


Ephesians 4:31-32

Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put

away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Memorize I Corinthians 13:4-7

Write out each aspect of love in those scriptures in your own words.

Think of ways you can express love to your husband with thoughts or actions

Love does not happen automatically.

Since it is the greatest commandment, it should be the quality on which you work the hardest.


Matthew 22:37-39 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

It is interesting that this had to be commanded! Your husband is your closest neighbor!

Statements such as “I am not in love anymore” and “I never loved him” show a lack of love for God, not a lack of love for your husband.

1 John 4:7,8 Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.

That is why we must study, learn, and be taught, love does NOT come natural.

Titus 2:4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,

Even under the most trying circumstances you can choose to love, His grace is sufficient

2 Corinthians 12:9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

What if your husband is selfish, uncaring, mean, makes poor decisions, ungodly?

Romans 12:21 Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

1 Peter 3:9 Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing;

knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.

This brings God glory which is your purpose! Does not matter how your spouse behaves, you behave because of love.

Difficult situations in a marriage give you the opportunity to show God your intense love for HIM

2 Corinthians 12:10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

Ready to ax murder your husband?

Kill him with kindness!

Treat him as you wish to be treated!

Matthew 7:12 Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you,

do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets

Another way Jesus explained it - go the second mile

Matthew 5:41 And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain.

If you are looking to GET something out of loving your husband, you have the wrong motive and will end up very disappointed.

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